I have sat down a couple times in the past few weeks and tried to find the words to explain how I am feeling. I have so many things that I want to say and share and just now have I been able to combine and organize my thoughts.
First of all I wanted to share my weight loss journey. I have been overweight for a great portion of my life. I have tried so many different diets and been to different doctors including a dietitian and psychologist. Nothing has ever worked. Slowly over the years my weight has increased and just a few days after I turned 21 I was at the highest I have ever been. A number on the scale that I said I would never get close to was just six pounds away. I had an appointment with my NP and I was dreading to go. I hadn't seen this NP for probably a year and I was really embarrassed to go in for an appointment. The day of my appointment came and I cried when I woke up that morning. As I sat in the waiting room waiting for my name to be called I prepared my self for what I knew the NP was going to say. My name was called and I came back and was asked to step on the scale. I stepped on that scale and my heart sank and I held back the tears. I was taken into the exam room and my heart was racing. When Lisa (NP) came in the room she smiled and was so nice. I was just waiting for her to start with the statistics about how I was going to die young because of my weight and how high my chances were for diabetes or heart disease. I've heard these things so many times over the years and yes they scare me. Instead of scolding me she just said that my weight had gone up since the last time I had been in and that she would do whatever she could to help me. The next thing she said is something that no one has ever said to me before and something that I will never forget. She said I believe in you and I know that you can lose the weight. Let me just say right now that when someone says they believe in you and they really mean it you start to believe them and believe in yourself. I think that was the thing I had been missing all these years. Until Lisa had said that she believed in me, I had never believed in myself. When someone believes in you and you believe in yourself great things can happen. With the help of Metformin, Phentermine, a little exercise, the support from family and friends and My Heavenly Father I have lost 32 pounds since the beginning of August.
My journey has not been easy. There have been times that I have wanted to give up when temptations get tough but the words that Lisa spoke to me motivate me to keep going. I know that anyone who reads this has personal struggles and I want you to know that you can do whatever you set your mind to. No matter how big or small your struggle is, if you take it one day at a time you can do it.
Secondly I want to share my spiritual journey from the past year and a half. After two of my best friends went on their missions I felt so alone. I felt like I had no friends, no one to talk to and no one who understood me. I had a job that prevented me from going to church every Sunday and that made a huge difference in my life. I didn't lose my testimony but it was weak. When I did go to church I would play on my phone and not pay attention to the words that were spoken. I ended up moving to the night shift at work and that made things a lot worse. As I look back to working those night shifts the one thing that comes to mind is something that I heard when I began dating. Someone had said, I think it was at church, that the spirit goes to bed at midnight. Let me testify right here, right now that the spirit does in deed go to bed at midnight. I developed bad habits because of this and have had to repent for mistakes I made and sins that I committed. During this time I let my temple recommend expire, I couldn't remember the last time I had felt the spirit, paid my tithing, read the scriptures or even prayed to my Father in Heaven. No wonder I felt so alone. It wasn't until I was talking to a friend about marriage that I realized I was so far from the place that I wanted to get married. I carried so much guilt and pain because of the wrong things that I had done and I felt hopeless. I felt like there was no way in a million years that my Father in Heaven would forgive me.
When my best friend Brooke came home from her mission she was driving me home one night after we had been hanging out. We started talking about some pretty deep things and I felt like I needed to tell her about one of the things I had been struggling with. As I told her I was bawling my eyes out. What she told me next is something that changed my life and put me back on the right track. She told me that while she was on her mission she had been prompted that I was struggling and that she needed to put my name into the temple. Even as I share this precious memory with you I have tears streaming down my face. I have been blessed and privileged to have an angel as my best friend. She is one of the most Christlike people I have ever known. She is the most genuine person with the biggest heart and I love her so much. When I got out of Brookes car that night I went into my room and poured out my soul to my Father in Heaven. After much prayer and because of the Atonement I have felt my sins forgiven and washed away. I have also been able to forgive myself. By saying personal prayer, paying tithing, going to church and reading the scriptures I have been able to experience some of the most spiritual experiences in my life. My heart is filled with so much love and gratitude. I have been taking the temple prep class so that someday soon I can go to the temple and make covenants with my Heavenly Father. I am so grateful for friends and family and the Gospel in my life.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Refinished Night Stands
A couple months ago my mom gave my sister a dresser that we were no longer using. My sister no longer needed the two small dressers she had so I asked her if I could have them. She told me that my neices had colored on them with pen and marker but that I could take them off her hands.
I brought them home determined to get the ink out. I looked over each side table and went on pinterest to figure out how in the world I was going to get the ink out. It wasn't too long before I found a post suggesting bleach.
I grabbed a scotch brite sponge and diluted a small amount of bleach in some water. I dipped my sponge into the mixture and started scrubbing at the ink. To my surprise the ink started to come out no problem. Some areas were really easy to remove and others needed quite a bit of elbow grease.
Once I finished getting out most of the ink I washed the tables with soap and water and let them sit overnight. Okay that's not totally true. I actually let them sit in my garage for three months. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with them. Did I want to stain? Or take a different approach and do a fun bright color? It wasn't until my brother asked if I would paint them for him that I decided what to do. I had a black stain from a previous project and I knew that's what I would use.
I sanded each piece and wiped off. I did a light first coat and let it dry. After it was dry I took a sanding block and distressed some edges and made it look old. Once I had distressed it to my liking I used a polycrylic finish and was done. I loved the way they turned out but was kinda sad that they weren't going in my room.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Inspired to Share
Today I felt inspired to share my story. Not my whole life's story but just what has been happening the last couple years of my life.
I'm going to start back in July 2013. To be exact it was my birthday and I was signing papers at an Assisted living community. My job was a day part time CNA and I was so excited. I loved my job. I loved who I worked with and I loved the residents. My maternal grandma and paternal grandpa passed away when I was 14 and I missed them greatly. Working with the elderly reminded me of my grandparents and the residents kind of became my grandparents. I learned so many lessons from these wise people who had lived through so much. I will be forever grateful for their advice and counsel. I will never forget the first time one of them passed away. My heart was broken but at the same time rejoicing because they were in a better place and they were happy. It was about April 2014 that I started working full time night shift. Night shift is hard to begin with. To make it even harder I became a Med Tech. I don't think at the time I fully understood the responsibility that was placed on my shoulders. Everything was great. By November I had gotten the hang of being in charge, or so I thought. I was called into my supervisors office and was told that I was being too bossy and that I needed to treat all the CNA's the same. After I got out of the office I bawled. I was hurt that no one had come to me and told me that I was being bossy. I had to be called in to an office to be told by my supervisor. I did my best to be as fair and kind as I could to the other employees. I moved on and was just grateful that I had a job and was making money.
After the new year, my best friend came home from her mission. I was unable to make it to the airport for her homecoming but said that I would come over before I went to work. I had an odd feeling when I woke up that day. It was the weirdest feeling one that I didn't understand. I went and visited my friend and then headed to work. That night I was only working half a shift so I got to leave at midnight. I was the med tech that night. That strange feeling came a couple times at work and I just ignored it. I finished passing meds at about 11:15. Between 11:15 and 12:00 I made a decision that changed my life.
I decided that I was going to do something that I knew was against the rules. I thought to my self that just this one time wouldn't hurt. I'm not going to tell you what the rule was because it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I ignored the feeling I had felt all day and justified something I knew was wrong. I've been told all my life that if you do things even just one time that one time is too many. As soon as I had broke the rule I knew what I had done was wrong. It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up and received a missed phone call from my work that I realized to the full extent that I had done wrong.
At the time I blamed my bad decision making on stress from moving to a new house. I know now that is not what it was. I made the decision fully knowing that I was ignoring the Spirit that was telling me to do what was right. That morning after seeing the missed phone call I went and told my mom everything. I don't think I have ever been so ashamed of myself or cried so hard. I composed myself and called my work and they said that they had looked at the cameras and wanted me to come in and talk. I was in no shape to drive myself so my wonderful mother took me over there. I walked through the doors and felt like everyone knew what I had done. I went to the managers office and I knew he was angry. He had me sit in a chair outside his office and wait. We were waiting for my supervisor and the other employee involved. We were brought into the office and sat down and there was silence. He showed us the video footage and it looked bad, we looked bad. My coworker started to cry and I had already cried all the tears that I had so I just hung my head and looked down.
I felt like the worst person ever. I felt even worse when my supervisor who I considered one of my friends told me that she was disappointed in me. I can't believe that I disappointed someone that I had the highest amount of respect for. She taught me so much and I threw it into her face.
They told us that they were still deciding if we got to keep our jobs and that they would call us. I ran out of that office and out the door. One of my sweet coworkers was out there and she showed me so much compassion. She gave me the biggest hug and I will be forever grateful for her kindness.
I waited for my mom to come pick me up. I saw her car and as she got closer I cried even harder. I told her what my boss had said to me. She told me everything was going to be okay. We got home to our old house and I laid down on the couch and cried myself to sleep. About a week later I was informed that I was fired.
The months that followed were some of the hardest I have ever been through. I was too embarrassed to talk about what had happened and I was so hard on myself. I couldn't believe that I had done what I did. I have replayed over and over the things that happened that night and I have had the hardest time forgiving myself. The guilt that I felt was almost at times too much to bear. It wasn't until recently that I have been able to forgive myself. I wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for my Heavenly Father. It felt like He was distancing himself from but I was the one who was distancing myself from him. The peace that I have been able to feel because I have drawn near to him brings me greater joy that anything in this world. I have come to understand that we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are life altering and it takes a lot of hard work to get back on the right track. I am so grateful for those who reached out to me during those hard months. I am also grateful for such loving parents who were patient with me and loved me when I could not love myself. I am forever grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me even though I fail him everyday. I am also grateful for his Son who paid the price for my sins and loved me enough that he would die for me.
I hope anyone who reads this can know that what ever mistake you make, whatever sorrows you feel that you can overcome any obstacle or trial. God lives. He hears and answers your prayers and he will help you if you will only ask and obey.
I'm going to start back in July 2013. To be exact it was my birthday and I was signing papers at an Assisted living community. My job was a day part time CNA and I was so excited. I loved my job. I loved who I worked with and I loved the residents. My maternal grandma and paternal grandpa passed away when I was 14 and I missed them greatly. Working with the elderly reminded me of my grandparents and the residents kind of became my grandparents. I learned so many lessons from these wise people who had lived through so much. I will be forever grateful for their advice and counsel. I will never forget the first time one of them passed away. My heart was broken but at the same time rejoicing because they were in a better place and they were happy. It was about April 2014 that I started working full time night shift. Night shift is hard to begin with. To make it even harder I became a Med Tech. I don't think at the time I fully understood the responsibility that was placed on my shoulders. Everything was great. By November I had gotten the hang of being in charge, or so I thought. I was called into my supervisors office and was told that I was being too bossy and that I needed to treat all the CNA's the same. After I got out of the office I bawled. I was hurt that no one had come to me and told me that I was being bossy. I had to be called in to an office to be told by my supervisor. I did my best to be as fair and kind as I could to the other employees. I moved on and was just grateful that I had a job and was making money.
After the new year, my best friend came home from her mission. I was unable to make it to the airport for her homecoming but said that I would come over before I went to work. I had an odd feeling when I woke up that day. It was the weirdest feeling one that I didn't understand. I went and visited my friend and then headed to work. That night I was only working half a shift so I got to leave at midnight. I was the med tech that night. That strange feeling came a couple times at work and I just ignored it. I finished passing meds at about 11:15. Between 11:15 and 12:00 I made a decision that changed my life.
I decided that I was going to do something that I knew was against the rules. I thought to my self that just this one time wouldn't hurt. I'm not going to tell you what the rule was because it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I ignored the feeling I had felt all day and justified something I knew was wrong. I've been told all my life that if you do things even just one time that one time is too many. As soon as I had broke the rule I knew what I had done was wrong. It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up and received a missed phone call from my work that I realized to the full extent that I had done wrong.
At the time I blamed my bad decision making on stress from moving to a new house. I know now that is not what it was. I made the decision fully knowing that I was ignoring the Spirit that was telling me to do what was right. That morning after seeing the missed phone call I went and told my mom everything. I don't think I have ever been so ashamed of myself or cried so hard. I composed myself and called my work and they said that they had looked at the cameras and wanted me to come in and talk. I was in no shape to drive myself so my wonderful mother took me over there. I walked through the doors and felt like everyone knew what I had done. I went to the managers office and I knew he was angry. He had me sit in a chair outside his office and wait. We were waiting for my supervisor and the other employee involved. We were brought into the office and sat down and there was silence. He showed us the video footage and it looked bad, we looked bad. My coworker started to cry and I had already cried all the tears that I had so I just hung my head and looked down.
I felt like the worst person ever. I felt even worse when my supervisor who I considered one of my friends told me that she was disappointed in me. I can't believe that I disappointed someone that I had the highest amount of respect for. She taught me so much and I threw it into her face.
They told us that they were still deciding if we got to keep our jobs and that they would call us. I ran out of that office and out the door. One of my sweet coworkers was out there and she showed me so much compassion. She gave me the biggest hug and I will be forever grateful for her kindness.
I waited for my mom to come pick me up. I saw her car and as she got closer I cried even harder. I told her what my boss had said to me. She told me everything was going to be okay. We got home to our old house and I laid down on the couch and cried myself to sleep. About a week later I was informed that I was fired.
The months that followed were some of the hardest I have ever been through. I was too embarrassed to talk about what had happened and I was so hard on myself. I couldn't believe that I had done what I did. I have replayed over and over the things that happened that night and I have had the hardest time forgiving myself. The guilt that I felt was almost at times too much to bear. It wasn't until recently that I have been able to forgive myself. I wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for my Heavenly Father. It felt like He was distancing himself from but I was the one who was distancing myself from him. The peace that I have been able to feel because I have drawn near to him brings me greater joy that anything in this world. I have come to understand that we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are life altering and it takes a lot of hard work to get back on the right track. I am so grateful for those who reached out to me during those hard months. I am also grateful for such loving parents who were patient with me and loved me when I could not love myself. I am forever grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me even though I fail him everyday. I am also grateful for his Son who paid the price for my sins and loved me enough that he would die for me.
I hope anyone who reads this can know that what ever mistake you make, whatever sorrows you feel that you can overcome any obstacle or trial. God lives. He hears and answers your prayers and he will help you if you will only ask and obey.
A little about me
When meeting new people I seem to always start off with I am the youngest of 8 kids. There are four boys and four girls. Some people are like oh my gosh your poor mom. I can't imagine giving birth to eight kids. Then I start my little story and explain it to them like this. My Mom was previously married and had 2 girls and 2 boys with her first husband. My Dad was also previously married and had 1 girl and 1 boy. They each got divorced to their spouses and then found each other. They got married and had my brother and I. Seriously the cutest little story ever. I love my family so much, they mean everything to me.
I love doing crafts and creating things from scratch. When I was 12 instead of asking for make up or clothes for Christmas I asked for a sewing machine. Yeah I was the kind of girl who still played Barbies, had braces and instead of being social I would sew in my room and watch movies. Don't worry i'm sure I will tell you some more detailed stories of that period of my life but for now that's all you get. So back to the sewing machine. When I started sewing I wasn't very good at all. My lines weren't straight, and the ''squares'' I would cut out to make a blanket didn't look anything close to a square. After sewing for a few years I finally got the hang of it and I got pretty good. I took sewing classes in middle school and loved them so much. I just love sewing until I need to rip out some seams and then i'm done for a little while. I am so grateful though that I got a sewing machine and that I know how to sew. This skill will definitely help me when I have a family of my own and need to sew on a button or repair some pants.
Also within the last year I have developed a love for refinishing furniture. I've done a couple of dressers and recently refinished some night stands for my brother. I think it's so cool that you can take an ugly piece of fake wood furniture and turn it into such a beautiful piece. You can probably find me at a thrift store a couple times a week looking for a potentially beautiful piece. I have a wood pallet that I haven't decided what to do with yet but when I know I will let you know how it turned out.
Another thing about me is that I love the colors hot pink and black. My room is hot pink and black and so is the inside of my car. I tend to paint a lot of things black just because I love how clean and sharp it looks. I do have to remind myself that everything can't be black and that I can't wear black all the time.
Getting Started
So first things first. I apologize for slacking and only posting one thing on my blog. I thought that I would create a blog and post something everyday. Well obviously that didn't happen. I promise I will blog more often and really get this thing going. Bear with me i'm new to blogging and things might look plain for a while. I'm learning and so hopefully soon I will have a cute page set up. Love you guys and thanks for following.
~Madi
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
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