Inspired to Share

Today I felt inspired to share my story. Not my whole life's story but just what has been happening the last couple years of my life.
I'm going to start back in July 2013. To be exact it was my birthday and I was signing papers at an Assisted living community. My job was a day part time CNA and I was so excited. I loved my job. I loved who I worked with and I loved the residents. My maternal grandma and paternal grandpa passed away when I was 14 and I missed them greatly. Working with the elderly reminded me of my grandparents and the residents kind of became my grandparents. I learned so many lessons from these wise people who had lived through so much. I will be forever grateful for their advice and counsel. I will never forget the first time one of them passed away. My heart was broken but at the same time rejoicing because they were in a better place and they were happy. It was about April 2014 that I started working full time night shift. Night shift is hard to begin with. To make it even harder I became a Med Tech. I don't think at the time I fully understood the responsibility that was placed on my shoulders. Everything was great. By November I had gotten the hang of being in charge, or so I thought. I was called into my supervisors office and was told that I was being too bossy and that I needed to treat all the CNA's the same. After I got out of the office I bawled. I was hurt that no one had come to me and told me that I was being bossy. I had to be called in to an office to be told by my supervisor. I did my best to be as fair and kind as I could to the other employees. I moved on and was just grateful that I had a job and was making money.
After the new year, my best friend came home from her mission. I was unable to make it to the airport for her homecoming but said that I would come over before I went to work. I had an odd feeling when I woke up that day. It was the weirdest feeling one that I didn't understand. I went and visited my friend and then headed to work. That night I was only working half a shift so I got to leave at midnight. I was the med tech that night. That strange feeling came a couple times at work and I just ignored it. I finished passing meds at about 11:15. Between 11:15 and 12:00 I made a decision that changed my life.
 I decided that I was going to do something that I knew was against the rules. I thought to my self that just this one time wouldn't hurt. I'm not going to tell you what the rule was because it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I ignored the feeling I had felt all day and justified something I knew was wrong. I've been told all my life that if you do things even just one time that one time is too many. As soon as I had broke the rule I knew what I had done was wrong. It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up and received a missed phone call from my work that I realized to the full extent that I had done wrong.
At the time I blamed my bad decision making on stress from moving to a new house. I know now that is not what it was. I made the decision fully knowing that I was ignoring the Spirit that was telling me to do what was right. That morning after seeing the missed phone call I went and told my mom everything. I don't think I have ever been so ashamed of myself or cried so hard. I composed myself and called my work and they said that they had looked at the cameras and wanted me to come in and talk. I was in no shape to drive myself so my wonderful mother took me over there. I walked through the doors and felt like everyone knew what I had done. I went to the managers office and I knew he was angry. He had me sit in a chair outside his office and wait. We were waiting for my supervisor and the other employee involved. We were brought into the office and sat down and there was silence. He showed us the video footage and it looked bad, we looked bad. My coworker started to cry and I had already cried all the tears that I had so I just hung my head and looked down.
I felt like the worst person ever. I felt even worse when my supervisor who I considered one of my friends told me that she was disappointed in me. I can't believe that I disappointed someone that I had the highest amount of respect for. She taught me so much and I threw it into her face.
They told us that they were still deciding if we got to keep our jobs and that they would call us. I ran out of that office and out the door. One of my sweet coworkers was out there and she showed me so much compassion. She gave me the biggest hug and I will be forever grateful for her kindness.
 I waited for my mom to come pick me up. I saw her car and as she got closer I cried even harder. I told her what my boss had said to me. She told me everything was going to be okay. We got home to our old house and I laid down on the couch and cried myself to sleep. About a week later I was informed that I was fired.
The months that followed were some of the hardest I have ever been through. I was too embarrassed to talk about what had happened and I was so hard on myself. I couldn't believe that I had done what I did. I have replayed over and over the things that happened that night and I have had the hardest time forgiving myself. The guilt that I felt was almost at times too much to bear. It wasn't until recently that I have been able to forgive myself. I wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for my Heavenly Father. It felt like He was distancing himself from but I was the one who was distancing myself from him. The peace that I have been able to feel because I have drawn near to him brings me greater joy that anything in this world. I have come to understand that we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are life altering and it takes a lot of hard work to get back on the right track. I am so grateful for those who reached out to me during those hard months. I am also grateful for such loving parents who were patient with me and loved me when I could not love myself. I am forever grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me even though I fail him everyday. I am also grateful for his Son who paid the price for my sins and loved me enough that he would die for me.

I hope anyone who reads this can know that what ever mistake you make, whatever sorrows you feel that you can overcome any obstacle or trial. God lives. He hears and answers your prayers and he will help you if you will only ask and obey.